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Be sure what you hear is what was said by Penelope Chase Psychiatric Consultation Liaison In times of change and uncertainty we might take some time to pay attention to how we hear what is being communicated to us.  All too often we hear what we are afraid we are being told, or what we want to hear. Or we project ahead, assuming that what we hear has affected someone else might next affect us. Let’s think about how we listen. As we all know by now, communication is a two-way activity.  It involves sending and receiving  messages. In sending a message, we want others to know how we feel, as well as, what we know or have to share, or complain or worry about. We want to be heard and understood. So we talk, write, or send e-mails. And we hope others listen. Sometimes we want a response; sometimes we don’t. We may want to add our input, express our opinion, cast our vote, influence an action, an outcome or position.  Especially if it may benefit us or protect us.  Sometimes our message — what we’ve wanted to say, or think we’ve said — is misconstrued, skewed, twisted, or worse, it’s ignored, not even acknowledged. Perhaps this is because the receiver has not been really listening to us. Or, more likely, their internal bias, preconceived ideas or natural defensiveness screened out (filtered) things they preferred not to or didn’t want to hear. Sometimes  messages are misinterpreted because recipients were listening through their filters. While we can’t change how others listen, we can become more aware of how we listen or block out, react, or misconstrue what others may be telling us, or trying to communicate to us. Just by being aware of our own filters, we may become more skillful listeners, as well as communicators.  Skillful communication helps us all feel more understood and appreciated, and builds trust — essential for teamwork, good patient care, education, teaching, and/or research. When we say something or tell someone something we expect that the person who receives our words will “get the message.”  Sometimes we want our words to be taken at face value —  a simple imparting of information or data.  Sometimes we try to enhance or color our words, and therefore “the message,” by our tone of voice, facial expression, loudness or softness of voice, or the timing of when and how we deliver those words.  But it doesn’t always work. Others aren’t always able to “catch our drift.”  Or we wonder how we got misunderstood.  I remember the delight I took when I first saw a book by Deborah Tannen, a socio-linguist, titled, "That’s Not What I Meant: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships." Tannen wrote that “...in interpreting what others say, we assume they mean what we would mean if we said the same thing in the same way.” In describing a mis-matched conversation she explains: “He recalls what he meant, and she recalls what she heard.  But what he intended was not what she understood, which was what she would have meant if she had said what he said in the way he said it.”  Are you still with me? Been there, done that? During times of change and uncertainty, such as is happening in some areas of the campus these days, open flowing communication — receiving and sending messages — is of utmost importance. No administrator or CEO can run a department or an organization without communication (input and feedback) from those on “the front lines.”  Dr. Ray Greenberg obviously realizes this and has emphasized the need for communication to help us all understand each other, the dynamic goals of the university and the Medical Center, and to increase trust among faculty, staff, students, and employees.  He has begun to put these words into action by holding “town hall” meetings for faculty and staff to give him information and to listen to the concerns and questions of those he serves.  Paying attention to how we give and receive information will serve us all well in the long term. For those who were not present at any of the campus meetings, the content is reported or summarized  in the recent Currents newsletter and in last week’s Catalyst.  As some who were at the meetings and also read the recapped version may have noticed, there may be some difference in perception as to what was said, what it meant, or even what the information imparted may truly mean, depending on what we want to or fear to hear. This is not to say anyone is being devious or trying to paint a certain picture. It is merely a current example to illustrate how easy it is to interpret differently or incorrectly what a speaker or writer intended to say, because of the filters through which messages are received and sent.  You could probably give other examples - such as the minutes of a meeting you’ve attended, or memories of a particular holiday family gathering which don’t match those of a sibling, parent, or spouse. I think by now most of us have accepted that times have changed and we’d better change too, or risk being perceived as, and therefore becoming, obsolete. When change and uncertainty make us anxious, upset, or fearful, we don’t listen, interpret information, or store it as well as when our emotions and thoughts are flowing with the predictable status quo.  Ueland calls listening a creative force; creative because when we are listened to we become our best and our most authentic. The changes happening are survival strategies for the organization.  Can we listen well enough to trust that?  It takes a certain amount of trust and being listened to for us to begin revealing our truths, or fears, and professional and personal concerns.  Perhaps as we notice and brush up our listening skills we will speak our honest truths and be better heard as well.