by Kristen Karig, Public Relations

Christmas Day was supposed to be a joyous occasion for a Lowcountry woman and her four children. But things suddenly turned violent when her husband arrived at their home and beat her severely while the children watched.

The couple was legally separated, and according to the woman, there was no past history of abusive behavior in the relationship. It's possible that he was overcome with anger because he wasn’t able to be with his family on Christmas Day, said Bonnie Dansky, Ph.D., of the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center (NCVRTC). Or maybe he had been drinking.

The holiday season is a time when instances of domestic abuse are usually on the rise, Dansky said. "Holidays are a stressful time for everyone, and tensions run high. Because a batterer may resort to abuse of his partner to cope with stress or conflict, an increase in tension can mean an increase in abuse." People also tend to consume more alcohol during the holidays as they celebrate Christmas or toast to the new year. And with drinking comes an increased risk for domestic abuse. Alcohol increases a person’s sense of personal power, and increases the chance that he or she will misinterpret or misperceive information. Alcohol or drug use by the batterer usually means more serious injury will be inflicted during the assault. Alcohol also lowers inhibitions— a victim using alcohol or drugs may be less aware of potentially dangerous situations.

But what about the woman who was abused for the first time on Christmas Day? How could she have known? Often, Dansky said, signs are there, but not recognized. “There are certain red flags to look for,” Dansky said. “A woman whose partner shows a number of them could benefit from talking to a professional.”

They include: A partner who is controlling of finances, restricts who she visits or talks to on the phone; a partner who criticizes family members and friends, shows jealously that’s completely out of proportion to the circumstances, or who forces isolation by forbidding contact with friends. Other red flags are: a partner who shows anger control problems and punches walls or throws objects; a partner who speaks about women in a negative way; or one who shakes and pushes. “Any physical act that is done out of anger is a problem,” Dansky said. Almost half the women Dansky and her NCVRTC colleagues treat have domestic violence as part of their treatment plan. “There has been a significant increase in the number of cases compared with five to seven years ago,” Dansky said. “This increase in cases can be attributed to increased awareness of domestic abuse.”

But many patients coping with domestic abuse initially come to the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center for other reasons, like the psychological problems they experience after a rape or mugging. Only when a therapist begins exploring the patient’s history does he or she realize that domestic abuse is an issue.

As the holidays approach, Dansky and other therapists at the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center discuss issues of safety during the holidays with many of their patients.

“People feel as though there is an unwritten rule that they ‘have’ to spend time with family during the holidays, which may not be the safest place,” Dansky said. “One of the issues they must cope with is whether or not to visit family, and if they do, whether or not they will be safe. We help them prepare how they will handle possible encounters with people who may have hurt them physically or sexually in the past.”

Dansky also stresses to her patients to abstain from alcohol.

Anytime of the year, it is important for women to try to create safe situations. Women should try not to be alone in the house if they think there is potential for an abusive situation, said Sherry Falsetti, Ph.D., of the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center.

Create a safe plan, Falsetti advises. Stay out of rooms like the bathroom and kitchen where there are a lot of hard surfaces and potential lethal weapons. Think through all possible escape routes. “If she feels an attack may be about to begin, she should try to leave before it starts,” Falsetti said.

She should think through where to go, and find the location of the nearest shelter. It’s also a good idea to have papers, like birth certificates, immunization records and social security cards ready in case a sudden exit is necessary.

Most women, however don’t want to leave during the holidays and separate children from their father or family. “No one wants to miss turkey dinner on Thanksgiving or spend Christmas in a shelter.”

Women often don’t leave abusive situations because they feel guilty about the failure of their marriage. Some think they can’t live on their own, or that things could be worse. What they must realize, Dansky said, is that no one deserves abusive treatment.

Often, they stay with hope that their partner will change. “Unfortunately, that can’t happen, unless the batterer receives treatment,” Dansky said.

“Even if you don’t plan on leaving an abusive partner, it’s important to take certain precautions for safety and to try to prevent exposing children to abusive situations,” she continued.

For more information, call the National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center at 792-2945.